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[ The conversation hits a pause, but her thoughts are still going. And going. There's alcohol sticking to the back of her throat when she starts, cleared a couple of words in, ]
So you've known each other forever, you made out, you have sleepovers in the morning, and he gets upset when people are into him, and you've been obvious about being into him, but he hasn't told you to back off, and also you haven't actually said it to his face.
[ Blessed be thy holy alcohol, because it's speaking now: ]
Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is lesbian behavior. You need to tell him.
So you've known each other forever, you made out, you have sleepovers in the morning, and he gets upset when people are into him, and you've been obvious about being into him, but he hasn't told you to back off, and also you haven't actually said it to his face.
[ Blessed be thy holy alcohol, because it's speaking now: ]
Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is lesbian behavior. You need to tell him.
[ the thing is, that was about all the bravery that nick had in him, and the attempt had just left him in tatters. he swallows, tries to muster up a version of agreeable, believable enough that cellar might take his word for it that yes, of course nick will try again.
what she gets is a shrug and a weak watery smile, a digging of his thumbnail into the side of his own finger, a sudden fascination in the little indent left behind. ]
Maybe. Or maybe the whole friends with benefits suits us fine, and if I bring it up again I'm going to fuck the whole thing
what she gets is a shrug and a weak watery smile, a digging of his thumbnail into the side of his own finger, a sudden fascination in the little indent left behind. ]
Maybe. Or maybe the whole friends with benefits suits us fine, and if I bring it up again I'm going to fuck the whole thing
Right now I'm not.
[ it's a fair question honestly, this whole conversation has been a disaster and nick knows he looks a mess, but what's he supposed to say? even by this mess of a standard, nick knows the real answer is too pathetic. he'll take whatever he can get and he knows it. ]
Tomorrow, maybe next week? I'll figure it out by then.
[ it's a fair question honestly, this whole conversation has been a disaster and nick knows he looks a mess, but what's he supposed to say? even by this mess of a standard, nick knows the real answer is too pathetic. he'll take whatever he can get and he knows it. ]
Tomorrow, maybe next week? I'll figure it out by then.
[ Liar. No, don't say that, Cellar. Put the filter back on. ]
Okay.
[ Nailed it. She shifts again, sitting next to Nick in their initial position, until she scoots and nudges him to lie down and rest his head on her shoulder, chest, whatever. The bottle is tucked against her waist with one hand, the other slowly playing with his hair. ]
You wanna skip dinner tonight? I can tell Teddie to bring us something. Or I can tell him to go away.
[ imagine Theo walking in thinking they're gonna bone another twink ]
Okay.
[ Nailed it. She shifts again, sitting next to Nick in their initial position, until she scoots and nudges him to lie down and rest his head on her shoulder, chest, whatever. The bottle is tucked against her waist with one hand, the other slowly playing with his hair. ]
You wanna skip dinner tonight? I can tell Teddie to bring us something. Or I can tell him to go away.
[ imagine Theo walking in thinking they're gonna bone another twink ]
[ there's no resistance in him, nick is way past that. he's all wrung out and it's so much easier to just go where cellar guides him, head on her shoulder and ear pressed flush against her chest, as if listening to the thud of her heart might settle something in him. ]
I think— [ he's halting, stumbles squarely at the first step. nick is bad at asking for what he wants at the best of times, let alone when he doesn't even know, not really. short of going back to yesterday and remembering to take that stupid question mark out of his answer, there's not a whole lot that will make things better, but there's probably something that might make it worse. ] I think...I don't really want to have to explain to anyone else what's wrong right now. Is that okay?
I think— [ he's halting, stumbles squarely at the first step. nick is bad at asking for what he wants at the best of times, let alone when he doesn't even know, not really. short of going back to yesterday and remembering to take that stupid question mark out of his answer, there's not a whole lot that will make things better, but there's probably something that might make it worse. ] I think...I don't really want to have to explain to anyone else what's wrong right now. Is that okay?
before i was here i was somewhere else, same kind of deal. i was there for a year? so i turned 24. do you think that year counts? or is time not real and i'm back to where i was before i went there, which means i would be turning 24 again. in a week.
or am i 25.
ugh.
or am i 25.
ugh.
don't be, my parents forgot about me the rest of the year
the vain answer is i would love to be 24
the realistic answer is i assume i'm 25 (since that year, at least, i remember?)
the dramatic answer is i'd rather go back to 23 for [redacted to keep the mood light] reasons
the vain answer is i would love to be 24
the realistic answer is i assume i'm 25 (since that year, at least, i remember?)
the dramatic answer is i'd rather go back to 23 for [redacted to keep the mood light] reasons
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