[When she finds him in the kitchen, he's pacing back and forth, the picture of no sleep for three days straight and wired out of his mind. Paranoid eyes. Unable to sit or stand still for too long. Alicent helped for a little. Jinx helped better. But neither of them are here and he's got a restless compulsion that has him circling the kitchen islands and talking to himself.
The room is eerily quiet, staff suspiciously missing, but that's probably because of the dead one laying limp on the floor and stabbed fifteen times, badly hidden next to a stove. Cellar's seen him like this a few times before all the kicking and screaming starts. Sometimes they get lucky and catch him in the perfect window of losing it but not lost, but unfortunately for everyone, there's no one here to stop him.]
So?
[Two dirtied hands braced on the end of the island and facing her. Blood smears the stainless steel and speckles his face, his shirt. He keeps himself there to protect her.]
Comin' down here and riskin' your life just to see me, huh? [Voice pitching lower, a warning.] Cellar. What are you really doing?
[ Cellar stops at the entrance, watching him with a cautious unreadability in her expression, assessing his appearance first, surveying the kitchen next. A familiar sight she hoped she wouldn't have to see here, as if these walls and grounds and all the bent-until-they-snap rules could magically put a finger on the clock to stop that countdown, as if everything they've gone through could somehow make the bomb forget to go off. Time goes forward, though, and the explosives remember.
It's been a while since she's been reminded of how far from home she is, here in this mansion, in this universe. Out of everyone, Saber's been the ugliest reflection of who Cellar Spider is when she's an agent for Raíz, one of many who signed away a century of her life and gave up her name to serve a being beyond comprehension, using her shadows to spill blood and save the world. Brows drawn together, nostrils flared, she thinks of the last time he killed someone in front of her. For her.
Her eyes are back on him. ]
You're not gonna hurt me, Saber.
[ Could be a you wouldn't, could be a I won't fucking let you. She takes a step forward, then another. ]
[A bit of softening to his features, looking relieved to see her for a split second. No one really knows Saber like Cellar does. They see him around, know where he stands about most, if not all, things, but she sees a part of him that doesn't exist and he likes that. He likes it until she starts moving toward him.]
Hey! [He barks, his fist slamming against the counter, the metal rattling with the force of it, every muscle in his body tensing like she's backing him into a wall. The noise is meant to keep her away, but he makes no move toward her, either.] Watch it.
[Is he? Is he going to hurt her. The thoughts about hurting her are already flayed on the open battle field of his mind. That's nice. That helps. Then he's thinking about her in the woods, her beneath the sheets, her fingers in his hair.]
What is with you women? I mean, shit. You see me and you think it's a good idea to, to, [Words get caught on his tongue as he fights to find the right ones. He can't.] I don't know, fix me. For what? Take another step and you won't have a tongue to answer with, I swear to Christ, Mila – no, Cellar. What the fuck are you doing? I'm not right. I'm never gonna be right, and this, this– [Another bang to the table, pure frustration directed at himself, but the whole room feels it.] these memories? I can't. I can't do this. They can't keep up with me and I gotta kill 'em, and that doesn't–
[He makes less sense the more he talks and he slumps forward to run his hand over his face, blocking everything out. Without looking he makes a slow crumple to the floor, first crouched and leaning against the table, then sliding down, one leg bent at the knee while the other stretches out in front of him. Quiet, finally.]
[ Sometimes, when she's not alone, when she's neither engaged or distracted enough to let it pass, Cellar notices a habit, a noise, and her brain decides to make it the most excruciating thing she's ever hyperfocused on. From that moment on, every repetition makes her skin crawl, makes her muscles tense and makes her inch closer and closer to that mental button telling her to do something about it. Something impulsive and mean, too reactive to not make her regret listening to her own bad advice.
Saber barks and slams his fist on the counter — that's one. Cellar stops but doesn't flinch, a cat freezing its approach on prey she's too stubborn to let go of until it's been chewed on. He compares her to other women, as if they know him even half as well as she does, and that's two. He threatens her. That makes three. She hears Mila. There's the button. ]
I'm gonna come closer, and you're not gonna do shit.
[ One shadow blocks the entrance (the exit) to the kitchen. ]
If you wanna do this without the others, then I'm taking you back to that chapel. [ Something must've gone wrong, he just has to use the chamber again, it'll be fine. It has to be. ] I don't care if I have to knock you out — you're not killing anyone else. And you're not going to hurt yourself either. Just because Great isn't here doesn't mean I'm gonna let you fuck up your pact even more.
[She's right, he doesn't do anything. He's too busy being stuck in his own head, wallowing and angry and erratic. There's no time for him to notice any fuck ups because he doesn't even think about them. Her name, his language, the quick rebellious shadow blocking the door. Nothing he does or says has any connection to consequence.]
The pact?
[Pathetically, hand dropping away as he stares up at her from the floor, eyes red. The epitome of a boy throwing a tantrum for attention, if the tantrum included murdering numerous people and being covered in their mess of blood and viscera.]
Forget the pact. Forget the chapel and that shitty baptism. It's just us now. Raíz would've done somethin'. You know that, right? She wasn't here. We were - [Family. His thoughts skip around. He can't keep track.] don't bring Great into this like he'd know what to do. Take it or leave it, Cellar. We're fucked and deep down you know it.
[His smile is petulant, past the tears welling in his eyes and messiness. Almost greedy.]
[ She wishes she had training for this — for handling Saber in his current state all on her own, so no one else has to die. Including himself. ]
Don't say that — it's not true. She's coming. She just operates on her own time, and … and time's all fucked up here anyway, but she's coming, all right? She's gonna be real pissed off when she finds out what you're thinking.
[ Raíz always knows. Great made damn sure Cellar understood that before she ever had to find out for herself. The thing is, she's not sure she believes her own words, frown betraying her uncertainty. A crack in the faith written into her contract, signed in blood, because it's been almost a year with no sign of Raíz, no indication that anyone knows they're gone. They might as well be ghosts without a place to haunt. ]
I don't have to stop you because you're coming with me. Right? Come on, you helped me before. So just let me help you this time.
No, uh-uh. She's never comin'. She'd be here already 'cause of me. She's the only thing keeping me in line. Why'd you come alone, Cellar? You should've brought Neon. Now he – [He hiccups, swallows down the glob of emotion that rises up his throat.] he could've helped.
[Not Cellar, who's only good (only thought loosely in his head) for her shadows and not for her cruelty. He knows she has it in her, the killing urge that Great wanted cultivated by someone more empathetic (himself). He's an unkind thing staring at someone grasping at straws. Someone he had reassured months ago of Raíz presence as the elder, more knowledgeable person, now erasing his own words in madness.]
I'm not comin' with you. You're leaving me here. If you touch me, I'll hurt you or you'll be stuck killin' me and I know you don't wanna do that.
[ She wants to snap back — I came because you told me you're dying, and you told me not to tell Neon. Frustration gritting her teeth, angry that she keeps making the mistake of listening to a man who never listens to her. Why does he ever act like he wants her around if this is who he becomes? ]
Someone's coming for you regardless, whether you're dead or alive. So you might as well come with me.
[ Foolishly, she reaches out to grab his bloody arm. In her head, she reaches his hand, pries anything from it so it's just their fingers intertwined, and that's enough to distract and bring him somewhere safe for them and everyone else. Saber is out of his mind, but Cellar is overconfident and hopeful. The only way she'll stop is if he knocks her out somehow — then finds an alternative exit, around the shadows blocking the doors. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
finally
i hate looking at them
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you know that
they're just gonna come back saber
[ grasping at straws? yep. ]
tell me where you are
no subject
why? so you can try and convince me not to do what i want?
no subject
you haven't said anything to me since [ you stopped being Henry. ] the chapel
no subject
i'm not like how i was you know. i'm not ever gonna be like that and it's worse
i'm in the kitchen.
don't fucking tell neon
no subject
just you and me right
cw murder/blood/saber sorry
[When she finds him in the kitchen, he's pacing back and forth, the picture of no sleep for three days straight and wired out of his mind. Paranoid eyes. Unable to sit or stand still for too long. Alicent helped for a little. Jinx helped better. But neither of them are here and he's got a restless compulsion that has him circling the kitchen islands and talking to himself.
The room is eerily quiet, staff suspiciously missing, but that's probably because of the dead one laying limp on the floor and stabbed fifteen times, badly hidden next to a stove. Cellar's seen him like this a few times before all the kicking and screaming starts. Sometimes they get lucky and catch him in the perfect window of losing it but not lost, but unfortunately for everyone, there's no one here to stop him.]
So?
[Two dirtied hands braced on the end of the island and facing her. Blood smears the stainless steel and speckles his face, his shirt. He keeps himself there to protect her.]
Comin' down here and riskin' your life just to see me, huh? [Voice pitching lower, a warning.] Cellar. What are you really doing?
no subject
It's been a while since she's been reminded of how far from home she is, here in this mansion, in this universe. Out of everyone, Saber's been the ugliest reflection of who Cellar Spider is when she's an agent for Raíz, one of many who signed away a century of her life and gave up her name to serve a being beyond comprehension, using her shadows to spill blood and save the world. Brows drawn together, nostrils flared, she thinks of the last time he killed someone in front of her. For her.
Her eyes are back on him. ]
You're not gonna hurt me, Saber.
[ Could be a you wouldn't, could be a I won't fucking let you. She takes a step forward, then another. ]
Are you?
cw misogynistic language :(
[A bit of softening to his features, looking relieved to see her for a split second. No one really knows Saber like Cellar does. They see him around, know where he stands about most, if not all, things, but she sees a part of him that doesn't exist and he likes that. He likes it until she starts moving toward him.]
Hey! [He barks, his fist slamming against the counter, the metal rattling with the force of it, every muscle in his body tensing like she's backing him into a wall. The noise is meant to keep her away, but he makes no move toward her, either.] Watch it.
[Is he? Is he going to hurt her. The thoughts about hurting her are already flayed on the open battle field of his mind. That's nice. That helps. Then he's thinking about her in the woods, her beneath the sheets, her fingers in his hair.]
What is with you women? I mean, shit. You see me and you think it's a good idea to, to, [Words get caught on his tongue as he fights to find the right ones. He can't.] I don't know, fix me. For what? Take another step and you won't have a tongue to answer with, I swear to Christ, Mila – no, Cellar. What the fuck are you doing? I'm not right. I'm never gonna be right, and this, this– [Another bang to the table, pure frustration directed at himself, but the whole room feels it.] these memories? I can't. I can't do this. They can't keep up with me and I gotta kill 'em, and that doesn't–
[He makes less sense the more he talks and he slumps forward to run his hand over his face, blocking everything out. Without looking he makes a slow crumple to the floor, first crouched and leaning against the table, then sliding down, one leg bent at the knee while the other stretches out in front of him. Quiet, finally.]
no subject
Saber barks and slams his fist on the counter — that's one. Cellar stops but doesn't flinch, a cat freezing its approach on prey she's too stubborn to let go of until it's been chewed on. He compares her to other women, as if they know him even half as well as she does, and that's two. He threatens her. That makes three. She hears Mila. There's the button. ]
I'm gonna come closer, and you're not gonna do shit.
[ One shadow blocks the entrance (the exit) to the kitchen. ]
If you wanna do this without the others, then I'm taking you back to that chapel. [ Something must've gone wrong, he just has to use the chamber again, it'll be fine. It has to be. ] I don't care if I have to knock you out — you're not killing anyone else. And you're not going to hurt yourself either. Just because Great isn't here doesn't mean I'm gonna let you fuck up your pact even more.
been waiting 2 use this icon
The pact?
[Pathetically, hand dropping away as he stares up at her from the floor, eyes red. The epitome of a boy throwing a tantrum for attention, if the tantrum included murdering numerous people and being covered in their mess of blood and viscera.]
Forget the pact. Forget the chapel and that shitty baptism. It's just us now. Raíz would've done somethin'. You know that, right? She wasn't here. We were - [Family. His thoughts skip around. He can't keep track.] don't bring Great into this like he'd know what to do. Take it or leave it, Cellar. We're fucked and deep down you know it.
[His smile is petulant, past the tears welling in his eyes and messiness. Almost greedy.]
You really think you can stop me?
kya
Don't say that — it's not true. She's coming. She just operates on her own time, and … and time's all fucked up here anyway, but she's coming, all right? She's gonna be real pissed off when she finds out what you're thinking.
[ Raíz always knows. Great made damn sure Cellar understood that before she ever had to find out for herself. The thing is, she's not sure she believes her own words, frown betraying her uncertainty. A crack in the faith written into her contract, signed in blood, because it's been almost a year with no sign of Raíz, no indication that anyone knows they're gone. They might as well be ghosts without a place to haunt. ]
I don't have to stop you because you're coming with me. Right? Come on, you helped me before. So just let me help you this time.
no subject
[Not Cellar, who's only good (only thought loosely in his head) for her shadows and not for her cruelty. He knows she has it in her, the killing urge that Great wanted cultivated by someone more empathetic (himself). He's an unkind thing staring at someone grasping at straws. Someone he had reassured months ago of Raíz presence as the elder, more knowledgeable person, now erasing his own words in madness.]
I'm not comin' with you. You're leaving me here. If you touch me, I'll hurt you or you'll be stuck killin' me and I know you don't wanna do that.
🎀 soon?
Someone's coming for you regardless, whether you're dead or alive. So you might as well come with me.
[ Foolishly, she reaches out to grab his bloody arm. In her head, she reaches his hand, pries anything from it so it's just their fingers intertwined, and that's enough to distract and bring him somewhere safe for them and everyone else. Saber is out of his mind, but Cellar is overconfident and hopeful. The only way she'll stop is if he knocks her out somehow — then finds an alternative exit, around the shadows blocking the doors. ]