[she knows she's the last person cellar probably wants to talk to, but -- that was before nat, headless and lifeless, made into something macabre and blasphemous and wrong.]
you can tell me to fuck off if you wanna but they got nat. i don't give a fuck about anything except catching who did it.
[ Misty is protecting herself or one of the girls from the team, she's pretty certain. She was also pretty certain that Danny had killed Castiel, but now— now there's too much going on, so much grief in her heart it's ready to burst. She and Melissa are talking again, but she has no idea how Jackie and Shauna feel about her. What she knows is that she can very much stand with Shauna's message. ]
i'm not going to tell you to fuck off. i'm going to find out who hurt iggy and jace but if i find out anything about nat i'll tell you too
are you all together?
[ She told Melissa she hoped they'd be kind to her, because everything is going to get worse. When the sun sets, you can't will the darkness away.
[ she's been told she cares too much. cellar's thought many times that she wasn't a good person. she made a deal with Death itself to protect Theo — so she understands. it's like living two realities at once, between suspicion and compassion, always at war. ]
could you tell me about nat? do you have a favorite memory of her?
do you? because if you knew, you'd hate me, like everyone else.
[a pause, thinking --]
she held my hand when i was in labor. she stayed the whole time, right next to me. i probably cracked her phalanges or some shit, how hard i held her hand.
[ She's felt too much hate, too, in the past day. Every time she thought about Iggy and Jace, what they did to Saber's body in that cage. Instead of thinking of her friends and feeling love, she felt hate for their killers, and it was as exhausting as every tear and every sob. She can't keep doing that. ]
i'm sorry she was a wonderful friend, wasn't she? and she cared about all of us even the ones she'd never met that's why she tried to kill the heart
[cellar's a better person than shauna (fork found in kitchen, etc.) but she's also stronger. all shauna's known for two years is fear and pain and loss and hate. she'd done a good job of faking it, since arriving in saltburnt, but at her core that's really all she is -- a hungry, snarling, cornered thing with it's paw in a trap. ]
she was a bitch, sometimes. we all were. we lived in a cabin until it burned down and we were just on top of each other all the time. and it was awful and it was
they were kinda just made to forget me while i'm gone like a spell, i guess just like they were made to forget what my real name is they call me cellar too
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@leftcenter
you can tell me to fuck off if you wanna
but they got nat.
i don't give a fuck about anything except catching who did it.
so. if i find anything i'll tell you.
no subject
i'm not going to tell you to fuck off.
i'm going to find out who hurt iggy and jace
but if i find out anything about nat i'll tell you too
are you all together?
[ She told Melissa she hoped they'd be kind to her, because everything is going to get worse. When the sun sets, you can't will the darkness away.
She hopes they're all kind to one another. ]
no subject
i'm not letting jackie or mel outta my sight.
i do care about her
everything i do to try to show it is fucked and i know that, i know i'm not a good person.
but i do care.
no subject
i get it.
[ she's been told she cares too much. cellar's thought many times that she wasn't a good person. she made a deal with Death itself to protect Theo — so she understands. it's like living two realities at once, between suspicion and compassion, always at war. ]
could you tell me about nat?
do you have a favorite memory of her?
cw: childbirth, child loss
because if you knew, you'd hate me, like everyone else.
[a pause, thinking --]
she held my hand when i was in labor.
she stayed the whole time, right next to me.
i probably cracked her phalanges or some shit, how hard i held her hand.
no subject
i don't want to add to that
[ She's felt too much hate, too, in the past day. Every time she thought about Iggy and Jace, what they did to Saber's body in that cage. Instead of thinking of her friends and feeling love, she felt hate for their killers, and it was as exhausting as every tear and every sob. She can't keep doing that. ]
i'm sorry
she was a wonderful friend, wasn't she?
and she cared about all of us
even the ones she'd never met
that's why she tried to kill the heart
no subject
[cellar's a better person than shauna (fork found in kitchen, etc.) but she's also stronger. all shauna's known for two years is fear and pain and loss and hate. she'd done a good job of faking it, since arriving in saltburnt, but at her core that's really all she is -- a hungry, snarling, cornered thing with it's paw in a trap. ]
she was a bitch, sometimes.
we all were.
we lived in a cabin until it burned down and we were just on top of each other all the time.
and it was awful and it was
i didn't want to leave.
no subject
cw: infant death
my baby's there.
if i leave them, i'll regret it forever.
no subject
[ Trying to understand. To see if this is something they have in common. ]
no subject
[the answer: technically, yes, but nothing that matters, nothing that wouldn't become distant and strained with time, nothing that shauna would miss.]
no subject
i don't know if they're glad but
yeah
i'm sorry
no subject
but you're like
good.
no subject
they were kinda just made to forget me while i'm gone
like a spell, i guess
just like they were made to forget what my real name is
they call me cellar too
no subject
jeez.
was that like
part of the deal?
no subject
i think it's so families don't cause problems
like trying to track me down or reporting me as missing if i go too long without going home