longlegs: ? n (086)
cellar spider ([personal profile] longlegs) wrote2025-01-05 01:32 am

► thellar!!!


.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅ thellar inbox .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅
chokedout: (150)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
[x]

i'm experiencing dysfunction
chokedout: (283)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
it's not my dick


it's my magic
chokedout: (282)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
i don't think so
it's different

it's just
it's gone
chokedout: (pic#17633779)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 04:30 am (UTC)(link)
both. all of it
i'm
i cant do anything



(i'm hideous)
chokedout: (269)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
the bathroom

[Where there's a mirror to stare into.]
chokedout: (066)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
nothing

[if text could be sad: that would be sad sounding text]
chokedout: (226)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 05:32 am (UTC)(link)
maybe

[Maybe he'll just stay standing here, staring at himself. It's more than just skin deep, despite how he acts about it - but he just can't bring himself to accept this so easily.]
chokedout: (269)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
ok

[Great job. Acting like Dom rn. C'mon, Theo...]

i'm not freaking out bc of like vanity
i mean a little, yeah
but it's just
idk
it's a lot
chokedout: (pic#17633780)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
[no response, he has thrown himself face down on the bed. screaming waaaaaaaaaaugh face down at -4 volume]
chokedout: (205)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-02 07:23 am (UTC)(link)
[He is limp. He is a noodle. Even though she's there, he lays still long enough it's almost too long - but then he tilts his head, looking at her. She's seen him this way before, all dark eyed and magic-less, so it's nothing new. But the lack of control is, and it shows in his wary gaze.]

Hey.

[He's worming closer.]

I feel gross.
chokedout: (269)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-03 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
[He kisses back, because he knows she loves him. He loves her. There's so much trust here, which is precisely why he doesn't let himself brush this off. His voice is still soft, reeking of a certain type of sadness:]

I feel that way. I don't - I don't have any control. Over anything now.
chokedout: (273)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-03 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, but - I'm nothing.

[A frown, but - he drapes his arm over her, brow furrowed. This is self-deprecatory, yes, but it's digging deeper. It's Krampus 2.0 where he's stuck facing himself, his insecurities and faults. Where he has to put himself on a ledge in order to be able to take a jump he hasn't wanted to take before. To grow. To change.]

The only thing I had going for me was I could hide. It's the only thing I was ever good at and I can't even do that, now. I can't hide from these... things. I can't hide from Willem. I can't fight, either. I'm - I know you've been teaching me but I don't have that ability. I'm just a liability. I'm even less useful now than I've ever been.
chokedout: (269)

[personal profile] chokedout 2025-02-03 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
[He wants to say "I need you to" in that same self-shaming way, but she makes him feel like someone, not something. Maybe it's the lack of brand on him, maybe it's the lack of magic seeped into him, but it's almost a little bit easier to think. To act. To listen.]

I worry almost every day that he'll come here. He'll hurt you, or take you away from me. He's done that more times than I can count. Taken people I love away, killed them in front of me to show me it's impossible to avoid him. I took to trying to hide from him to avoid that. Stopped caring about people to protect them. But I love you. I want your protection, but - I need to protect you too. And I don't know how to do that. It scares me.

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