(And immediately, the part of her that's used to men like Harry being deceitful: what if he got Kieran to say that so she won't suspect that it's still happening?) ]
[ Her heart races a little at 'sister', but Kieran isn't angry at her. Should she tell him that they talked? That she went looking for hope and felt only helpless? ]
sorry kier i know you really wanted to leave this place
[He wants to just - be furious for a while. He doesn't want anything. He doesn't want anything. Because when you want stuff and you set yourself up to really want it and it gets taken away, you feel stupid and foolish for ever believing it was there in the first place. Even stuff you probably shouldn't have wanted because you knew it was only there because someone was depressed and lonely. You were probably taking as much advantage of them as they were you, but for a second... that felt fine. But now you're realizing your sister was right when she was treating you like a stupid kid, because you made stupid kid decisions and now it's too late to tell her that.]
[He almost wants to back up on that, ask her to come to him - but he doesn't want to be in his room. For once, the mess, however chaotically organized it is to him - feels overwhelmingly tight. He needs to go outside of his space, needs to clear his head, and so he slams a few more things around before slamming his door for good measure and going over to her.
No knock, just intrusion, tension evident in the way his body moves from the first step in to how he throws his hoodie to the chair and seems ready to erupt. But he doesn't, not at her, he just keeps it all tightly wound up inside because more than anything else, he's just pissed at himself.]
[ For all the times she's complained at Kieran for waltzing into her room, no invitation, warning, or knock, Mila just looks at the door with a cautious eagerness when it swings open and a familiar face storms inside, making this his new space. Off the bed, Mila walks over to caress his face and rest her hand on his shoulder, searching his features, the cat-like tension that might react explosively to any kind of friction. She doesn't care if it gets her figuratively scratched or bitten or kicked off; she's just so thankful that she doesn't have to dread never touching him again right now. That he still comes to her when she's needed.
[He wants to hiss and bite, his hand comes up as if to swat her away but he doesn't - it just sort of hovers, staying there like the tension in his shoulders before she's enveloping him in an embrace he needs. He doesn't give it back to her, not at first, he just kind of stands there solid and tight, but slowly but surely his forehead presses against her and he lets out a breath he'd held inside. He needs this.]
[He makes a noise rather than answer, but he'll move to sit - going toward her bed, shoes kicked off before he just crawls up into it like he's done a million times. Seeking somewhere warm and safe to sleep (there's a reason for that too, that he can't remember-) off some sort of hangover, a place to bitch about his issues or just to feel the weight of her bones next to him. He goes half under the covers, sulking, pulling blankets up to his breastbone and staring up at the ceiling.]
I'm not even mad at the trip being cancelled. I mean, I am, but... it was the way it was.
[ Following, just like they've done for those million times, Mila is in bed with him shortly after, lying on her side to watch him. One hand under her cheek, the other reaching out to rest across his stomach. ]
Like I had no say. He was telling me things are off, telling me why, telling me - telling me, telling me. Offering to give me money like that matters, acting all caring and shit when in reality he was backing out scared.
[Because all he cared about in the end was himself, right?]
He just acted like a doormat, too. So fucking pathetic.
[ A quiet nod, Mila looks down before looking at Kieran again, thinking back to his conversation with Harry. She doesn't want to tell him what they talked about, doesn't want to tell him it even happened. Maybe if she'd left with a better impression of that man than basically everything Kieran is describing to her now...
Really, the doctor's only saving grace is that he didn't double down and take Kieran away even sooner. She scoots closer, invites him to do the same, rest on her chest while she tucks her chin on top of his head, fingers in his hair. ]
[He liked the idea when it was dangled in front of him by someone else - someone who would make the plans, rent the rooms, show him the stupid fucking glow worms and whatever else was out there. If he went alone he wouldn't know what to look for. It doesn't have the same interest, the same intrigue. But he could, maybe, just spitefully go anyway.]
[He doesn't know what he wants. It's the only thing he wants now - to want something, to have some sort of purpose or focus in life. He spins his wheels and wastes his time and that's fine, that's fun, but when is he going to find something (or someone?) that makes a future unfold, that gives him some kind of path to follow instead of just blindly stumbling around?]
It was nice having someone believe in me for a bit. Like, besides you and Lucien.
[ He didn't believe in you. He doesn't believe in anything.
Immediate, acidic thoughts, still upset from the conversation with this Harry who almost stole her brother away. Who almost knocked her off Kieran's priorities, who almost shifted his loyalty away from his own family.
He's just the scapegoat, though. The underlying issues are still there, making Kieran miserable. The next thought she fights back: aren't we enough? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@kj
you can rejoice or whatever
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(And immediately, the part of her that's used to men like Harry being deceitful: what if he got Kieran to say that so she won't suspect that it's still happening?) ]
what happened?
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and dad
just fucking coward shit
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and what, he wasn't worried about that before?
what are you gonna do?
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[How many times can Kieran say that word in one day.]
i'm not doing anything
he kept doing this mopey shit like
"ill still give u money"
"you and ur sister can still get away"
and all this fucking self-less shit over and over again
dude had the audacity to be like "i know you're mad right now"
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sorry kier
i know you really wanted to leave this place
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telling him to fuck off was the opposite of cathartic
i'm still fucking pissed
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talk to me kier
do you want me to do something?
(1/2)
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yes
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what do you want me to do scrungly
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I'll be here
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No knock, just intrusion, tension evident in the way his body moves from the first step in to how he throws his hoodie to the chair and seems ready to erupt. But he doesn't, not at her, he just keeps it all tightly wound up inside because more than anything else, he's just pissed at himself.]
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Mila wraps both arms around her little brother. ]
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You wanna come sit down with me or talk here?
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I'm not even mad at the trip being cancelled. I mean, I am, but... it was the way it was.
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What did he sound like?
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[Because all he cared about in the end was himself, right?]
He just acted like a doormat, too. So fucking pathetic.
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Really, the doctor's only saving grace is that he didn't double down and take Kieran away even sooner. She scoots closer, invites him to do the same, rest on her chest while she tucks her chin on top of his head, fingers in his hair. ]
You're still gonna leave?
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[He liked the idea when it was dangled in front of him by someone else - someone who would make the plans, rent the rooms, show him the stupid fucking glow worms and whatever else was out there. If he went alone he wouldn't know what to look for. It doesn't have the same interest, the same intrigue. But he could, maybe, just spitefully go anyway.]
Dad's probably sending me away anyway.
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[ We'll find a way to get out. ]
If you, uhm. [ Her voice getting a little smaller, before she makes herself more firm. ] If you really wanna go.
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[He doesn't know what he wants. It's the only thing he wants now - to want something, to have some sort of purpose or focus in life. He spins his wheels and wastes his time and that's fine, that's fun, but when is he going to find something (or someone?) that makes a future unfold, that gives him some kind of path to follow instead of just blindly stumbling around?]
It was nice having someone believe in me for a bit. Like, besides you and Lucien.
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Immediate, acidic thoughts, still upset from the conversation with this Harry who almost stole her brother away. Who almost knocked her off Kieran's priorities, who almost shifted his loyalty away from his own family.
He's just the scapegoat, though. The underlying issues are still there, making Kieran miserable. The next thought she fights back: aren't we enough? ]
... I was really scared, Kier.
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