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[longlegs]

welcome to the saltburnt network

cellar spider

@mommylonglegs

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4:03 a.m. *user named userdev is bored*

[deadnerve]

*ahem ahem* hello pretty lady ^.^
I hope you don't mind the intrusion *shy smile* of me into your inbox (haha that's not meant to be dirty ;-) just so you know, I'm a very upstanding and respectable guy haha) this fine evening. I thought you might be free? *nervously wrings hands behind my back so you don't see!!* and perhaps would like to partake in a fine dinner, with some *checks notes* vintage wine?
*wipes sweat from brow* I'm sure you get these kinds of invitations all the time ^-^;; but I promise you I live to serve! *bowing motion* I'm not like those jerks that'll take you out and expect something in return for it. No, I think a respectful, beautiful woman *dreamy sigh* such as yourself deserves to be treated to the best in life. I know that women of high standards take their time in relationships *nodding* so I'm also someone in it for the long haul... just so long as we get there one day haha. Just kidding, just kidding. *phew phew, checks to see how you respond to that*

So please, do let me know if you would love to partake in some company. I am a great dancer and I can offer you the best experience *nodding* a goddess like you deserves. Or, perchance, if the lady has... *nervous look* o.o a desire for something else, like a board game? a video game? *gasps softly* if she partakes of such things... could it be true? a goddess among goddess? A man could only be so lucky...

[longlegs]

i know i should be cringing
and i am
but i'm also kinda touched that you wrote all that for me

[ Huge accomplishment when you have a nonexistent attention span, Devon. ]

guess now all i can really say is

OwO what's this?

[deadnerve]

it's not like i like you or anything, baka

uwu will u be my... date 2nite?

[longlegs]

dork

you wanna go on a date at 4am

[ Of course he does. It's Devon. ]

where would we actually go?

[deadnerve]

omg are you so fucking geriatric you can't have fun at this hour

idk
room hopping?

[longlegs]

dude you're older than me!

room hopping
is this a ploy to get me to help you steal something again
and here i thought you were secretly a romantic now

[deadnerve]

OwO did m'lady want romance?

[longlegs]

[ In her head Cellar answers yes, Devon makes fun of her, she sticks her phone under her pillow with a sigh and tells herself that yes, actually, she is weird for that after what happened in June, and that this time she's falling asleep for real, for real. Outside her head: ]

just tell me what the actual plan is m'guy

[deadnerve]

i dont have one
i just wanna hang out
u in or u out?

[longlegs]

i'm in
where are we meeting

[deadnerve]

creepy knight statue in the hall w the ugly drapes?

[longlegs]

see you there







UwU

[deadnerve]

[Devon'll be there with a cigarette, and this is the fit. His hair looks mussed because he was just laying in bed doom scrolling (if you can call it that in 2007) and he seems a little bit perkier now that his sorta-sister took him up on a date.]

Hey. Wanna set something on fire?

[Joking. But this will reflect poorly on him in like a week for some strange reason.]

[longlegs]

[ She's grinning at his outfit - colorful and grunge, cute - dressed in clothes that don't exactly scream 4am 'fit. At least she's got long sleeves? Sorry about those platforms making her even taller.

Cellar ruffles his hair. ]

Not unless it's a cocktail. What's up, Scrungly? Did you nap all day again?

[deadnerve]

[He's grabbing her hand, tugging her along - he doesn't have anywhere to go, but she doesn't need to know that. Plus, he's pretty sure they're not far from the bodega. Time to find it and find some snacks.]

Yeah, sorta. I've just been bored. What about you? Doesn't look like you were in bed, either.

[longlegs]

[ Oh — well, okay. Tall girl led by not-that-short king, let's go. ]

Aw, thanks. [ Was that a compliment? No? She made it one anyway. ] Couldn't really fall asleep. Just when Teddie's finally managed to sleep early today, too. You rescued me from staring at the ceiling for another hour.

[deadnerve]

You don't just shake him awake to fuck or something?

[Devon: will not suffer insomnia alone if given the choice. See: right now.]

[longlegs]

Is that what you do with your girlfriend?

[ gurl. i mean boi ]

[deadnerve]

... Maybe.

[Fun fact: he's a few degrees less of a sleaze around Ren, but nobody needs to know that.]

If I had tits like you, then yeah, any time and anywhere.

[longlegs]

[ Cue a flashback to what Mila and Kieran did. Cellar clears her throat and massages a bit over her own collarbone. You know, where he left a pearl necklace. So anyway, ]

My tits appreciate it. Unfortunately, Teddie's too cute when he sleeps, so you'll just have to deal with me.

[deadnerve]

Gonna put 'em in my face instead?

[He stops walking, just to look at her for that. Stupid smile in place.]

[longlegs]

[ He stops, she stops. Blame the hour, blame the gremlin influence emanating from him, but Cellar lets go of his hand and puts her palm on his nape, pulling him in. To faceplant her boobs. And then she lets him go again. ]

That one's for free.

[deadnerve]

[Local man can die now, he just experienced what it is like to be in Heaven. Devon is a little disoriented after the boob-bounce, but he's a stupid smile on his face, and he stumbles away with a little laugh. He holds on to the nearest door (hello bodega,) and before he opens it, he looks back at her:]

What's the price of the next?

[longlegs]

Treat me like a lady.

[ Okay, she's more satisfied about that little stunt than she thought she would be. That reaction was pretty gold. Her arms are crossed now, ready to follow him inside. ]

[deadnerve]

Alright.

[Catch him opening the door for her, and holding it there:]

After you, m'lady.